He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge. (Proverbs 14:26)

The love of a parent for his or her child is an amazing thing, a powerful thing.  But because of the sheer power of this parental love, there is also a danger in prioritization.  It can be easy to think about one's children:  "These are my top priority; even if I do nothing else right in life, I want to do well by my children."  While clearly well-intentioned, I don't think this is the best way to go about it.

In my own life, I've become thoroughly convinced that my ranked-order priorities need to be (1) God, (2) my wife, (3) my children, and (4) everything else (job, extended family, friendships, ministry, personal passions, etc.).  I find strong support for this listing in the words of Proverbs 14:26.  "He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge."  Notice how the PARENT's attitude towards the Lord creates a refuge for his or her CHILDREN.  The benefits of one's individual walk with God are not just for one's own life, but for the lives of those immediately surrounding -- the individual's closest loved ones.  It's a bit counter-intuitive, but my personal experience tells me that it's spot-on.

When I'm walking closely with God and really giving that relationship the respect it deserves, then my wife is automatically benefitted.  I'm better at helping out around the house and less self-absorbed.  I'm more consistent in patterns like maintaining our weekly date night and taking time for deep conversation with her.  I'm more patient and gentle and kind.  I have better wisdom for making decisions in our family, and I'm less susceptible to sin and temptation.  And our relationship blossoms because of the rich fountain of love and wisdom that comes from my personal fear of the Lord.

Here's where it gets even better.  Compounded by the benefits of a loving relationship with God and a loving relationship between parents, our children really do seem to take refuge in the trickle-down effects of healthy prioritization.  When I'm walking with God (and when Marci is walking with God), then our relationship is strong.  And when our relationship is strong, our children's sense of family and security is strong.  Again, it feels quite counter-intuitive -- that spending LESS time with my children (i.e. putting some of that available time into personal pursuit of God and into special time as a married couple, without children) can actually result in MORE security and well-being.  But I think it's really true.  I imagine there are probably psychological studies that could tell you the same thing (though looking these facts up for you is pretty low on the priority list!), but I just know it from intuition and experience.  And from the wisdom of Solomon.