Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.  Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death (Proverbs 23:13-14).

It's especially interesting to see how this Proverb uses the word "withhold" in the context of discipline.  Normally speaking, the word "withhold" seems to suggest a special privilege or provision that parents can or should give to their child(ren):  like food, water, clothing, shelter, affection, affirmation... that type of thing.  In fact, any parent who would withhold any of these things from their children would be rightly considered mean, or inappropriate, or abusive.

But for some reason our culture rarely thinks of discipline in this same way.  At best it's considered a "necessary evil" -- but more often it's thought to be domineering, destructive, deflating to a child's ego.  Wrong.

However, the Proverbs regularly talk about disciplining one's children (not just in this one verse, but throughout the book) as being an act of love, care, and developing a stronger sense of well-being.  They speak of discipline as being a special privilege or provision for life -- something that is, in effect, maliciously withheld if absent.

My own years of parenting experience, along with my observations of others' experiences in parenting, seem to back up the Proverbs.  Disciplined children are happy, well-adjusted, considerate of others, and they generally make good decisions.  On the other hand, undisciplined (or under-disciplined) children are unhappy, inflexible, selfish, and frequently ill-prepared for making wise decisions as they go through life.  Of course, child-rearing is not mechanistic or formulaic, and there are always unique circumstances in every parenting situation.  But in any event, it seems that a compelling case can be made for parents developing a coordinated strategy toward discipline.

I personally believe that "the Rod" of the Proverbs can be more liberally-interpreted than an actual wooden switch or metal rod.  Time-outs can be a form of "the Rod."  Rewards/penalties systems can also be effective, such as the time that my children learned how to resolve conflict by monitoring the volume of M&Ms in a glass jar on our kitchen counter (where an M&M was taken out every time that we noticed them bickering, but an M&M was added every time we noticed them going out of their way to make peace).  A loss of privileges can also be an effective use of "the Rod" -- especially for older kids.  And even natural consequences, such as not offering any desserts, snacks, or other food until after the last meal's food has been completely finished, can be another use of "the Rod" of Proverbs 23:13-14.  The biggest trick is that these forms of discipline must be enforced, not just threatened; otherwise, a parent is effectively making a promise to give something to the child and then withholding it.

It's true that children don't typically appreciate discipline at the time when it's administered.  But then again, I wouldn't typically say that they appreciate food (i.e. vegetables), water, shelter, or clothing (think about children unwrapping a gift of clothes versus unwrapping a gift of toys) either!  The thing is that we don't do these things to win our children's approval.  We do it because it's the parental thing to do.