Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife (Proverbs 21:9).

What is the best solution to a situation of chronic abuse within marriage?  Divorce is not an attractive option -- considering biblical directives against it, but also the widely recognized pain and brokenness caused by such a dramatic end to marriage.  But then again, staying in an abusive situation is not an attractive option either.  Serious damage can be inflicted, both on the victimized spouse and on any children that might be involved, whenever there's an instance of abuse -- be it verbal, physical, or sexual -- and such suffering cannot simply be glossed over by a quote from the Bible about how God hates divorce.  It feels like an impossible situation.

As a pastor, I get presented with this situation fairly frequently -- both by individuals who are caught up in a difficult marriage situation and by those simply desiring to pose complicated moral questions -- and over time, I've learned to rely on Proverbs chapter 21 as a potential solution for couples in such situations.  It offers some possibilities that are not divorce, but also not enablement. Verse 9 says, "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."  And verse 19 takes it even one step further:  "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife."  These verses seem to propose an arrangement in which divorce is avoided, while still allowing for some level of separation and creating space to allow for protection of the victimized spouse and even some emotional space in which to address the problems plaguing the marriage.  Many legal systems (including both the Dutch and American systems) also allow for this sort of arrangement:  a legal separation.  And while I agree that any kind of marital strife (including a separation) is not an ideal situation, I wonder if it might be the best, most biblical way to do things.

What do you think?  How would you advise a couple caught up in a bad marriage?  How would you support your case biblically?  It's something worthwhile, even if not pleasant, to consider.