Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone (Proverbs 25:15).

The Dutch government is schizophrenic.  After more than seven years of living as an American in Amsterdam, I'm still baffled by the way that the system works sometimes.  One foreigner can go into the bank with a simple request to set up a new bank account and leave with everything completely taken care of after about 20 minutes; another foreigner can go into the same bank with the same simple request to set up a new bank account and be told, flat-out, that such a request is "impossible."  Likewise, two people -- arriving in the Netherlands within one week of each other, coming from the same country, working for the same company, filing for legal residency under the same instructions -- can be treated completely differently by the Immigration and Naturalization Department.  It's baffling.  It's infuriating.  But no amount of pushing or pleading seems to help.  Dutch officials are not susceptible to a watery-eyed plea for mercy.  It never helps, in the moment, to say "But I know a guy..." or "I know for a fact that it's not 'impossible'..."

Patience is the only way to get anywhere within the Dutch system.

Given enough time, enough conversation, and enough due diligence within the system, most things are, in fact, possible.  It just comes down to asking strategic questions, changing tack, and reapplying with the hopes that a different official on a different day will treat the same case differently.  It's not a very scientific approach -- and one which rarely offers encouragement to the fresh-off-the-boat, over-anxious expatriate -- but it really is the best way to get things done.  Gentle persistence gets one much further than loud and tawdry temper-tantrums.

These principles are true, of course, not just for the Dutch system -- but for all types conflict situations, and particular for conflict situations involving authority figures.  I've noticed that my heart can be surprisingly similar to that of the Dutch system, in my own roles as father, pastor, and supervisor.  If someone comes to me with a disagreement or point of criticism, I'm much more apt to deal with someone speaking patiently and gently than to deal with a toddler throwing a tantrum (literal or figurative).  In fact, the harder someone pushes against a decision that I've made as "authority figure," the less likely I am to give in to their requests.  But if someone chooses to come at things from a standpoint of respect and gentle persuasion, I'm much more likely to change my position on a given issue.  This has something to do with the whole "losing face" kind of thing.  But I also think it's just common sense, drawn from years of experience in which giving into tantrums creates more problems in the long-run, while building genuinely constructive dialogue offers advantages not only for the immediate situation -- but for the long-haul as well.

So think about Proverbs 25:15 the next time that you find yourself fighting against "The Man."  Patient persuasion and gentle speech can be surprisingly strong -- not just breaking bones, but breaking entire systems as well.