Keep to a path far from [the adulteress], do not go near the door of her house (Proverbs 5:8).

Sexuality is so much bigger than any physical act, though you wouldn't think so, to hear the typical "betrayed lover" spat.  When someone's fidelity is called into question, the classic line of examination is, "Did you sleep with her/him?" or "Did you have sex?"  This is an easy diagnostic tool because it's a yes/no question, with little gray area to confuse things.  Either you had sex or you didn't.  You're either guilty or innocent, presumably.  If there was no sex, the accused party can claim, "Seriously, nothing happened!"  And that somehow closes the case, clarifies everything.

Doesn't it?

I think we all know better.  Deep down, we all understand that sexuality and fidelity involve much more than empiracally-verifiable physical activity.  They involve emotions, desires, dreams, thoughts, fantasies.  If someone gives their love to another person, this is just as bad (and maybe even worse) than giving one's body to another person.  They are both a deep betrayal of trust -- extremely damaging blows to a relationship.  Jesus once said, "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."  And to be honest, this strikes me as a much more complete definition of fidelity.  A much more sobering definition of fidelity, too.  But this makes the advice of Proverbs 5:8 that much more relevant.  It helps us to remember that we don't want to step anywhere within the perimeter of adultery.  We want to keep to a path far from it.  We don't even want to go anywhere near the doorway to adultery.  Because any step in that direction is a step toward death.

It's important to consider what this might mean, practically-speaking (and not just leave it in the realm of the theoretical).  So what exactly might the door to adultery look like???  It's probably different for each individual.  Some things are a bit more obvious and more universal -- like por nography and mas turbation.  It's hard to see, in fact, how these would be anything but "doorway disciplines."  Significant time spent in private with a member of the opposite sex (other than one's spouse) might also fall into this territory, though I've heard of widely varying standards on this point.  But what about friendly hugs and other forms of casual physical contact?  What about electronic dialogues (chatting, texting, e-mailing)?  What about non-sexual thought (i.e. just spending a lot of time thinking about another person)?  It's hard to draw hard-fast guidelines for many of these things.  But without question, it's good stuff to consider and develop convictions about.  It's also valuable conversation and consideration among couples.  In any event, the goal needs to be keeping a path far from adultery, nowhere near the door to destruction.  Because if you wait up until the moment of actual sexual interaction is in question -- you're in big, big trouble...