My husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey [said the adulteress to the youth who lacked judgment] (Proverbs 7:19).

So just how long is "long?"  And how gone is "gone?"  These questions jump out at me from Proverbs 7:19.  Clearly, the husband's absence is a contributing factor to the act of adultery -- emboldening the adulteress to invite another man to her bed -- but to what extent?  Are there lessons for the "faithful spouse" to learn, in cases of infidelity?

First let's consider the absence factor.  Probably every person could agree that it's not good for married couples to spend "significant lengths of time" (whatever that means) apart from one another.  Because if a husband and wife really are one flesh (as the Bible says that they are), then any kind of prolonged separation is harmful -- spreading oneself too thin, leaving open the possibility of losing touch with oneself.  This just makes sense, and accordingly most couples live in the same home, generally try to travel together, and any unavoidable periods of separation are kept to a minimum of length and frequency.  Couples need to be in good communication about any factors that might create any kind of awkwardness in periods of one partner's absence -- otherwise the physical absence could become too much for either of the individuals to bear.  But what about emotional absence?  What about the dangers of a co-dependent relationship?  What about a lack of intimacy?  It seems to me that there are a lot of different ways to be "absent" even while cohabiting -- even while being in physical proximity 24 hours a day, 7 days a week!  All of these factors need to be considered, within a marriage... Otherwise, they will eventually become an issue, either leading to unfaithfulness or some other kind of relational dysfunction.

And then there's the length factor to consider.  The fact is that periods of absence -- be it physical, emotional, situational -- are inevitable in a marriage situation.  You simply cannot be married to someone for decades and never experience a single instance of separation.  I don't think you could even do it for 10 days, let alone 10 years!  The real problem, then, comes when the period of absence becomes "long" (again, whatever that means).  In general, it seems that a husband and wife need to work together to establish life rhythms that will be comfortable and convenient for both of them.  If and when the period of (whatever type of) separation becomes "too long" for either spouse, that needs to be communicated.  If the communication is ignored or dismissed, it may be wise to involve a third party (according to the principles for conflict management sketched out in Matthew 18:15-17).  Again, if these types of tensions are not considered, communicated, and managed, the situation will become an issue, one way or another.

There's no excuse for infidelity, of course.  Even so, successful aversion of adultery really depends on both the husband and the wife working together to prioritize the relationship -- and specifically developing convictions on these questions of how long is "long" and how gone is "gone."