A man's own folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the LORD (Proverbs 19:3).

Sometimes, I think I give God a little too much credit.  It can be easy to hide behind the idea of "God's eternal purposes," suffering the agonizing existence of a finite being within an infinite universe, when in fact a lot of times my day-to-day realities are clearly the consequence of my own thoughts and actions.  For instance, I remember the occasion of my 30th birthday.  I had just been ordained as the pastor for Zolder50, a couple of months previously, and I was dealing with a whole mess of adjustment angst -- both within myself and with other members of the congregation.  Marci was in the first trimester of the pregnancy that would eventually result in the birth of our third child, and she was horribly nauseous and wretchedly exhausted to be experiencing such phyiscal discomfort while serving as the primary caregiver for two young children.  We were gutting out another difficult winter season in the Netherlands, 3970 miles from our friends and family in Ohio.  And there I was, turning the big 3-0 and asking myself what the heck God had done with me and my life.  I felt incredibly lonely and disoriented.  I felt sorry for myself, that I was caught in such difficult circumstances on such a special day as my 30th birthday.  And I felt angry with God:  for having been dumped into a position of church leadership under less-than-ideal circumstances, for having given Marci such a difficult pregnancy, for having "left me" so sad and lonely, for having brought our family to Amsterdam.  Basically, you could say that I spent my 30th birthday raging against the LORD.

But with some time and some perspective, I was able to see just how silly this point of view can be.  Truth be told:  I chose to accept leadership responsibility for the church.  I chose to be married and have children (and not just chose, but desperately hoped for these things, prior to their realization!).  I chose to move to Amsterdam and stay in Amsterdam.  Yes, I felt that God directed me through many of these decisions and provided wisdom as I accepted each of these responsibilities along the way, but He certainly did not coerce me.  It was my own decisions that put myself there, in that sad, pathetic state on my 30th birthday.  Upon further introspection, I could even come to the point of realization that none of those particular circumstances -- ordination, marriage, fatherhood, geography -- were bad, or foolish things.  In fact, under different circumstances, I have often considered these things to be some of the greatest blessings in my life!  However, the folly that was ruining my life in that particular instance -- on my 30th birthday -- was my perspective on everything.  I failed to realize the bigger picture, at the time.  And so, I blamed God for having blessed me in ways that I consciously accepted, each step along the way!

It's totally true that a man's own folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the LORD.

Some people rage against God for failed marriages and broken relationships, though it's almost always human failure that sabotages these relationships.  Other people rage against God for accidents, big ones and little ones, while the fact of the matter is that accidents simply happen in an imperfect world filled with imperfect people.  Other circumstances may not have such direct lines of responsibility -- such as cancers and earthquakes and hurricanes -- and cannot be causally traced to human folly... But even in these circumstances, it's our perspective that determines how we respond to such disasters.  If we become bitter and angry and accusing, our lives eventually become ruined.  But if we choose for faith and love and hope, then our lives are ultimately blessed.  Of course, it's not always fun or easy to respond to folly, faults, failures, and the fallen world with such optimism and acceptance.  But it certainly beats embitterment and sulking on one's 30th birthday.