[Avoid adultery] lest you give your best strength to others and your years to one who is cruel (Proverbs 5:9).

Adultery is so stupid on so many levels.  But one of the most foolish, and most tragic, bi-products of an adulterous relationship is the misconception of how one is exchanging his or her time and energy.  So often, adultery is seen as being an escape from the pressures of a marriage or some other life circumstance.  It's presumed to be a kind of release from whatever's bothering you.  Somehow marriage becomes captivity and adultery becomes freedom.  At other times, adultery can be portrayed as an unfortunate necessity -- an act of weakness or being forcefully driven in to the arms of someone more kind or empathetic or understanding.  But in all of these views of adultery, we're pulling the wool over our eyes and ignoring the reality that's so clearly in front of us.

In truth, adultery is spending one's best strength poorly.  It's giving years of one's life to one who is cruel.

There is some anecdotal evidence for men and women finding "true love" in a second relationship, discovered through an adulterous context but now presumably living "happily ever after."  But I have to convince that I'm skeptical.  Every single one of the people I know who have gone through the agony of adultery -- either as the one who was cheated on or the one who did the cheating -- are still haunted by the situation.  Even under the best of circumstances, where a couple can make things up, re-establish trust in their relationship, and go on to a long and productive marriage, even in these situations, the mistakes of the past haunt so many aspects of a couple's present and future.  Energy depletion, would be an understatement.  The strength and energy that was spent in that original adulterous sex act becomes multiplied -- 10 times, 100 times, 1000 times -- as the directly involved parties, the people's children, the people's parents, and other people come to terms with the consequences, heal from the pain, and move on with their lives.  And indeed, it's a process that can easily take years to play out.  What seems like an escape or a release becomes a cruel and weakening cancer, growing on individual souls and on relational dynamics.

Praise God for his grace!  There is forgiveness and healing and recovery from our most dreadful mistakes.  But it just takes so much time and so much energy to get back on track after a stupid mistake -- adultery in particular.  Just like a cancer patient has to go through a lot of very unpleasant medication and surgical procedures, taking months and years at a time and totally zapping a person's strength -- dealing with the cancer of adultery can require a lot of one's best strength and years.  As Proverbs chapter 5 suggests, if we can avoid having to deal with this cancer, then by all means let's do it.