He who conceals his hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool (Proverbs 10:18).

There's this guy who's just consistently and genuinely mean to me.  Unkind, impolite, disrespectful, relentless... just plain mean.  He's constantly criticizing me for who I am and what I do.  I try to remain civil towards him, even though it's incredibly difficult to do so.  But the fact of the matter is that I hate the fact that he is a part of my life.  I hate the fact that he is connected to many of the same social circles in which I operate (probably spreading all kinds of mean, hateful lies about me among my own friends).  And even though I know that I'm "not supposed to" feel this way, I think it's probably not an understatement for me to say that I hate him, as a person.

So what am I supposed to do with this guy and these feelings that I have towards him?

Proverbs 10:18 says that "He who conceals his hatred has lying lips."  So should I tell the guy, to his face, that I hate him?  Should I be honest about my feelings with other people, when the guy's name comes up in conversation?  At least that way I wouldn't be concealing it!  I definitely don't want to give myself "lying lips" for the sake of propriety alone.  So, on the one level, it seems like honesty might be the best policy...

But then again, Proverbs 10:18 also says that "Whoever spreads slander is a fool."  Not just a "dummy" type of fool, according to the linguistic implications of the Hebrew word, but actually a "meanie," expressing a level of moral depravity.  So this would seem to suggest that I have to keep my mouth shut (thus counteracting the apparent advice of revealing -- not concealing -- hatred)!  To me, this feels like an impossible dilemma.  I can't conceal my hatred; nor can I express it (at least not to other people).  I'm darned if I do and darned if I don't!

Could it be that there's yet another way to deal with the situation?

It seems to me that the wisest, most honestly, most godly, most biblical way to deal with such a situation is actually to bring my hateful heart to God and ask for renewal.  Jesus reminded us that when we've been forgiven a great debt -- as is certainly the case for all of us who have found forgiveness and redemption in Jesus -- that it's pretty foolish to be harsh and exacting, when it comes to the comparably small debts that we create between one another (see Matthew 18:21-35).  Instead, Jesus said, people like us need to "forgive your brother from your heart."  We need to find ways to love each other, even when it's difficult.  Another section of Proverbs 10 confirms this very point, when it says in verse 12:  "Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs."  Yes, of course there will still be conflict and the need for confrontations and even rebuking one another (as the Proverbs repeatedly illustrate).  But there is no place for hatred among the people of God.