Do not move an ancient boundary stone or encroach on the fields of the fatherless, for their Defender is strong; he will take up their case against you (Proverbs 23:10-11).

I was recently mediating a dispute between two friends of mine.  Some misunderstandings and broken promises had dissolved the necessary level of trust for them to effectively work things out between the two of them, so I had offered to help referee their discussion.  Even so, it was not an easy conversation.  One friend insisted that they resolve all of their points of disagreement immediately, so that there could be complete forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration of the relationship.  The other friend said that a bit of relational space was needed in order for trust to be re-established, which would ultimately allow for healing and restoration to take place.  Obviously, the two perspectives -- each offering dramatically different paths to reconciliation -- didn't jive well with each other.

So at one point, the first friend looked at me (the mediator) and started pleading his case from Ephesians 4, where it says, "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."  He wondered if it was biblical to "need space" and if they weren't setting themselves up for the devil gaining a foothold.

The other friend responded to this line of reasoning that there was no anger or lack of forgiveness; there was simply a break in trust, and thus some boundaries needed to be established in order to allow trust to be rebuilt.

The first friend was frustrated by this response, obviously still hoping for immediate reconciliation, and said that he didn't believe that "boundaries" were biblical -- that we're really all supposed to be "one in Christ" and that any level of separation is unhealthy and ungodly.

And while I felt strongly, on an intuitive level, that the second friend's position of needing some space and some boundaries made sense -- even from a biblical perspective -- I couldn't think of a strong biblical case to reinforce this intuition.  So I tried to simply explain the dynamics of human relationships, which are basically built on trust, and when there have been repeated breaches of trust a framework is needed for rebuilding that trust.  And reading the current situation between these two friends, I told him that if he continued to push for "resolution" at this moment, he would run the risk of further damaging the situation and bringing even more trouble upon himself.

But he still didn't see it.  He was especially frustrated by the lack of biblical reasoning -- which conflicted sharply with his understanding of concepts like grace, forgiveness, and reconciliation.

When I read Proverbs 23:10-11 today, however, it all made sense.  Something clicked into place that allowed me to see the psychological concept of "boundaries" through a strictly biblical framework.  And it really does come down to this idea of physical boundaries, marking the end of one person's property and the beginning of the next person's property.  Particularly when one feels threatened -- widows and orphans are specifically and repeatedly mentioned throughout the Bible, as people falling into this category, though others could certainly match the same criteria -- boundaries become more important than ever.  The boundaries of their land represent their livelihood, their inheritance, their sustenance.  And if those boundaries are encroached upon, even in a slight way, the people's ability to sustain themselves is seriously threatened.  If the person who is perceived to be the "threat" continues to disregard the boundaries -- regardless of their intentions and perhaps even claiming noble purposes -- God will step in and take up the case of the encroached-upon.  Boundaries, whether physical or emotional, are significant.  And God takes them seriously, perhaps even regarding them as a necessary step for establishing the relational harmony that He so highly prizes.

I wish I would have had that Proverb in my head back during the original conversation.  But God was sovereign in that conversation and nevertheless has allowed things to develop between these two friends in His time and according to His plan.  The two friends are still coming to terms with their relationship to each other and to the concepts of boundaries and reconciliation.  But I trust that God will continue to guide them.  God's pretty amazing like that.