A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue (Proverbs 11:12).

I know he's my brother, and you'd think that should give me some insight into his perspective on the world -- but the truth is that I don't even understand him a little bit.  He completely baffles me and frustrates me.  Every time I'm with him, I feel like screaming and smacking him upside the head.  I mean, where does he get off thinking he's so high and mighty?  How does he figure he can cop such a fatherly attitude with me -- his brother -- the one who shared a bedroom with him up until high school?  He's only two-and-a-half years older than me, yet he just drips with this arrogance, this self-righteousness, this judgmentalism, and this sense of being overly responsible for everyone and everything!  It eats me like acid, and yet my girlfriend actually has the gall to defend him, to "try to see things from his point of view."

"Seriously, Nate," she says, placing her hand on my right knee.  "He's just trying to show that he cares about you."  We both look straight ahead, east along I-80, towards Chicago.  I grip the steering wheel tightly and try to plug up the volcano that's threatening to erupt from within my chest.  I try to stay silent, but I cannot withstand the pressure.

"How can you try to defend him?!?!  This is the same guy who basically tried to get us to break up last year!  This is the same guy who kept questioning you, as if he was some sort of agent for the federal government, practically accusing your family of being illegal immigrants!  This is the guy who suggested that our 'cultural differences' might be too much for our relationship to succeed.  He clearly has a problem with us being together."

Maria smiles and leans back in her seat.  "A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue."

I ignore her corny attempt at serenity and wisdom.  "I can't stand him, Maria.  You know how it's going to be today.  'So Nater...'" I deepen my voice and talk from the back of my throat, trying to imitate my brother's manner of address.  "'How's the landscaping business?'"  It makes me nauseous just to think about his condecension, his judgment.  "He's all hung up on his skyscraper office and his 'investment portfolio.'  He's so corporate, it makes me sick."  I know he's my brother, and I should be happy for all his success in the business world -- but I can't help but feel the contempt in his eyes when he looks at me, his pitiful kid brother with the landscaping company, living out in the western suburbs, "slumming it up" with my Mexican girlfriend.  I know he's not trying to be a jerk -- but that's what makes it all the more infuriating:  that he thinks he's being so kind and concerned about my life.  "I swear, Maria, if he starts asking all those probing questions about expanding the company and saving for retirement, I'm going to deck him."

Maria looks straight ahead and speaks in a low, soft voice:  "A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue."

"Why does family have to be so impossible?!?" I moan.  We still have 20 minutes before we're downtown, at my brother's apartment; but I feel like I'm already under attack.  "Seriously, he's my own brother!  Shouldn't he knock off the whole 'deriding his neighbor' thing?!?  If he's so smart and understanding, shouldn't he just shut the hell up sometimes?!?  Can't he just let me live my life, without his commentary?"  I'm waiting for Maria to chime in, to give me some back-up here; but she doesn't have anything to add to my arguments.

"A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue," she reiterates, like a mantra.

I hold onto the steering wheel like a cowboy on a bucking bronco.  "Why are you so content to just sit there and say nothing?" I accuse.  "If anybody should be angry here, it's you.  I have to deal with the jackass; he's my brother.  But you're just an innocent bystander.  Don't you just want to go off on him sometimes?  Don't you feel his judgment, when he asks you about the dry-cleaning business?  Don't his cracks about Mexican food just rile you up?"

Maria takes off her sunglasses briefly and locks eyes with me.  She is beautiful and peaceful.  She smiles with one side of her mouth and speaks with a sense of deliberation and determination:  "A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue."  And for the rest of the drive into the city, the car is completely silent.