He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends (Proverbs 17:9).

We like to tell these little stories about our spouses, our children, and our friends.  The most interesting stories are ones which involve conflict, offensive behavior, and/or hurt feelings.  Usually, we tell such stories to get a laugh or maybe some sympathy.  But it is curious to consider the long-term relational implications of doing this.  Even if we feel like the matter has been resolved and that the story is repeated in the past tense, these little reiterations of the old stories subtly sabotage relationships.  We say that forgiveness has been offered and relationships have moved on; but is this really true, when we rehash the situation every time we get the chance?

I mean, how many times am I really going to risk myself -- sharing my most intimate (and perhaps most undeveloped) thoughts in conversation -- if the things I say are going to be publicly broadcast, letting all my friends, neighbors, and family members know what an idiot I really am?  How many times am I going to offer my time and energy to someone else (albeit sometimes misguided and blundering) -- if my actions are going to be recorded and replayed for audiences near and far, showing the world what a klutz I am?  How many times will somoene have to make a spectacle of me before I decide that I just want to divert my time and affections elsewhere, in order to save myself further, future, embarrassment?

There really is something to the ways that we talk about the people we love.  He (or she) who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends (or spouses, or family members).  When we choose to forgive and maintain discretion about a loved one's offenses, then we build trust.  But when we choose to repeat the matter -- even if it's in a light-hearted, past-tense, happy-ending kind of way -- it can undermine the foundation upon which the relationship is built.  Even if it's subconscious.  Even if it's within the laugh-along "approval" of the offender.  I, personally, am challenged by Proverbs 17:9 -- to develop greater discretion and positive speech about the people that I love (and, well, other people too, I guess).  When I'm confronted with that dilemma, "To repeat, or not to repeat," I want to choose to resist the temptation to repeat and cover over the offense instead.  Relationships mean a lot more than being an entertaining story-teller.  Wouldn't you agree?