Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23).

This is one of my favorite Proverbs to use in counseling young couples, who have just started dating.  It's so direct.  It cuts right to the heart of the matter -- bypassing all the confusion of cultural conventions.  This is especially helpful because, personally, I don't believe there is any single "right" way to go about dating and relationships.  I don't hold to any hard-fast rules for getting from Point A (singleness) to Point B (marriage).  In fact, I think that this process is quite necessarily  different for each individual and for each couple.  Even so, guiding principles and a general understanding of the unique challenges represented in dating relationships can be very valuable and instructive -- even if the end results end up looking and feeling remarkably different.  Thus, if I were to narrow it all down to a few basic principles, I would encourage any singles or prospective couples to focus their attention on communication, consideration, and conditionality (yes, I realize that the alliterated three-point conclusion might be a bit cheesy and clichéed -- but it can be a useful mnemonic device nevertheless!).  I'll do my best to briefly explain what I mean...

Communication is one of the most important elements in any kind of relationship.  As unromantic as it may seem, I encourage young couples (or prospective couples) to be as explicit and deliberate as possible in defining terminology, phraseology, and expectations -- even from the earliest days of a relationship.  It's important to realize that specific sets of behaviors are called by dozens of different names -- depending on cultural background, family background, and life experience.  One person's "dating" is another person's "courting" and still another person's "pre-engagement" (you get the idea)...  The words "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" have strong semantic associations for different people.  Using the phrase "I love you" can mean surprisingly different things to different people.  Even the act of "asking someone out" or going on a "first date" can create widely varying expectations, depending on the individual (oh, the stories I could tell from the misunderstandings that I've heard cropping up along these lines!)...  So again, I think it's beneficial to establish clear communication on some of these tricky issues from the very beginning of a relationship.  This doesn't have to be an interrogation or an inquisition; it can take on the form of talking about what each other's families and parents' relationships are like.  It can be telling funny stories from previous relational misunderstandings.  It can be painting idealistic pictures of how one always dreamed one's life would look like... Or, then again, it could be simple and straightforward -- asking when a particular terminology comes up, "So what do you mean when you use that word?"  These are just a few ideas or suggestions.  Regardless of how it's accomplished, good communication is foundational to a successful relationship.

As a second point, Consideration means thinking first and foremost to the interests of the other person, over and above one's own self-interests.  Of course, this is a fundamental part of living as a disciple of Jesus Christ.  But particularly in the context of dating and relationships, it can be extremely valuable to continually put yourself in a place where you're constantly evaluating everything you say and do in the context of how it might affect the other person.  Not only is this good practice for marriage (should anything eventually come of the dating process) -- but it's simply the loving and caring thing to do (which is supposedly what dating and relationships are all about)!  In 1 Corinthians 8:9-13, the Apostle Paul is remarkably clear and to the point in his exhortation toward selfless and considerate attitudes in the expression of one's "rights" and freedoms in Christ.  If it's going to cause the other person to stumble, don't do it!  And when in doubt, refer to the principles for Communication listed above.

And finally -- perhaps most importantly -- it can be useful to think about dating and relationships in terms of Conditionality.  Conditionality in such a context means that any male/female relationship -- no matter how cosmic, powerful, and meaningful as it might seem at any given moment, to one or both parties involved -- must maintain a degree of tentativity, separation, and restraint all the way until the marriage vows are spoken before God and each other.  Here's where Proverbs 4:23 comes in -- really one of the most valuable verses (if not the most valuable verse) for people considering dating and relationships.  It says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."  This means withholding portions of oneself -- as unromantic as it may seem -- until such a time that the union can be complete; and until the wedding vows are actually exchanged, there's really no way of knowing for sure if that other person will be one's future spouse.  Again, I'll leave the specific interpretation up to you -- but please, if anyone out there is trying to navigate their way through the treacherous terrain of dating and relationships, please remember to guard your heart above all else, for it is the wellspring of life.