He who winks maliciously causes grief, and a chattering fool comes to ruin (Proverbs 10:10).

I work in full-time ministry -- a job which centers primarily on interpersonal relationships.  I love what I do, though it can sometimes exhaust me... to the point where I've picked up a saying along the way (I think that I heard it from somewhere else originally, through I can't recall the source):  "Ministry would be the perfect job, if it weren't for all the people you have to deal with."  This is an intentionally-absurd statement, like a school teacher who loves his job except for all the students or an accountant who loves her job except for all the numbers.  People are simply the substance of ministry, the currency in which this sort of business is transacted.  I know this and accept this.  But still, interpersonal conflict (especially in the church) often feels like the bane of my existence.

There's no getting around the fact that people are going to have disagreements.  But the way these disagreements are handled can be so frustrating!  Ideally, these issues would be worked out in private, through direct conversation between the immediately-involved parties.  When disagreements come up within our church, I often like to refer people to "Matthew 5 and Matthew 18" (Matthew 5:23-24 and Matthew 18:15-17, to be specific) -- showing that there can be no way around a conflict except for direct dialogue.  Maybe if the talks don't go well, a trusted third party might be needed to help mediate (as suggested in Matthew 18) -- and if that doesn't work, then things can be brought before an even larger gathering of the church (again, according to Matthew 18).  But this extended process should not be bypassed.  And until the whole process of direct dialogue has run its course, there should be no reason for gossipping, secretly organizing "alliances" or factions within the church, subtly strategizing against each other, remaining in a passive posture ("Well, if he's the one with the problem, then he should be the one to come to me and bring it up...") -- or any other immature means of bypassing the "Matthew 5 and Matthew 18" process.

The whole process is even further distilled in Proverbs 10:10:  just one verse -- 13 words -- which essentially tie together many of the most important principles of Matthew 5, Matthew 18, and godly wisdom for interpersonal conflict in general.  It calls us to maintain good will, root out malice, play things straight and without any sneaky strategizing, and avoid involvement of any unneccessary third parties so that things can be worked out through the proper channels.  It really is almost like it's the Cliffs Notes version of Matthew 5 and Matthew 18:  He who winks maliciously causes grief, and a chattering fool comes to ruin.

Because we're dealing with people, of course, there will still be periods of grief and ruin.  But the more we can follow the wisdom of Proverbs 10:10, Matthew 5:23-24, and Matthew 18:15-17, the better off we'll all be.