A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray (Proverbs 12:26).

I have a high value on transparency -- letting my life be an open book that can be pulled off the shelf, pages flipped at random, and sections examined carefully when necessary.  I'm ferocious when protecting the confidence of others -- particularly my kids and my wife (thus the transparency thing does not generally extend to the discussion of what happens in our marriage bed, for instance).  But for myself, as much as it's possible, I want to be as open and vulnerable as possible.  This is because I've learned that it's best to walk in the light, as it says in 1 John 1:5-7.  "This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you:  God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.  If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth.  But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."  Walking in the light allows for protection from the gruesome grip of sin and darkness, by challenging us to keep short accounts.  It allows for imperfection in leadership, keeping myself from being put up on a pedestal.  And it allows for trust to be built up and relationships to be formed, based on ample experience that "what you see is what you get."

Because of these values, however, I find myself somewhat challenged by Proverbs 12:26, where it says, "A righteous man is cautious in friendship."  To me, this sounds like the opposite of transparency.  It sounds like maintaining defenses, hiding behind screens that keep the whole self from being immediately revealed in relationships.

So what am I missing here?  Could it be that transparency really isn't the wisest course of action?  Should I actually try to build more caution into my life?  I still don't know for sure what I'm supposed to think about these tensions... But here's one thing that occurs to me:  Maybe I can maintain transparency and let people make their own relational decisions about me from that... But at the same time, perhaps I need to be cautious about the people to whom I give my trust and my allegiance -- the people who I embrace as friends.  I can still be open and transparent about my own life; and I can be friendly to others, in the meantime, even if I haven't yet committed myself to a true friendship.  In so doing, I can balance the two values of transparency and caution -- keeping myself both vulnerable and defended against unhealthy relational loyalties which could potentially lead me astray.  I restrict the outward flow of my emotions and allow for the ongoing inward examination of my own heart.  As with so many of the best spiritual truths -- predestination and free will, beliefs and actions, freedom and submission -- there's something of an oxymoron in the life of faith.  But that's the life I want to live.