Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30).

I worry about you, my friend.  I realize that singleness can be a significant challenge (though let it be said that it can also mean great opportunity).  Our culture puts forth love, romance, and sex as if they were the ultimate goals in life, subtly suggesting that you've failed -- or even that there's something wrong with you -- if you don't have a romantic relationship.  But even beyond this, I know that a relationship is simply something that you want, regardless of the cultural context.  Honestly, this is a good and healthy desire, to find yourself a wife:  "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD" (Proverbs 18:22).

But still, I worry about you.  I mean, after all, who can find a wife of noble character?  She is worth far more than rubies (Proverbs 31:10)... Yet, like rubies, such women are typically buried beneath hundreds of thousands of tons of dirt and rock -- exceedingly difficult to find and to mine!  But what I'm really getting at is the fact that this "mining" process is precisely what worries me!  One of the things that concerns me the most for your sake is the way that today's dating scene is set up.  As challenging as the situation may be for a single person such as yourself under any circumstances, it's many times more difficult because we program ourselves to look for all the wrong things!

For example, I worry about you when you talk about "your type" of woman.  By this, you primarily mean physical characteristics and emotional chemistry, right?  You want a blonde woman... about 5'8... 110 pounds... size 6 dress... size C bra (don't try to tell me that this isn't one of your criteria!)... in her mid-20s... And you want someone who laughs at your jokes, likes to watch football on the weekends, and can maintain a fun, flirty banter with you... Am I right about "your type?"  Of course, I know that you'd be willing to accept some degree of variance in the statistics, if the right person were to come along -- but we've talked about these things enough (albeit implicitly) that I know you've basically got an internal stat sheet that helps you to determine who's "your type" and who's "not your type."  You're smart enough that you'd never make such information public -- lest you be perceived as a total jerk -- but let's be honest:  you've got a pretty specific ideal in your mind, as to what you're looking for in a woman.  You're by no means the only person who's got such ideals when it comes to "your type," but I think it's important to acknowledge that you've got such a paradigm for examining potential partners.

So I worry about you -- not because you have ideals, but rather because it seems to me that your ideals are tragically misguided and potentially even dangerous.  Physical characteristics and emotional chemistry are certainly a part of finding a girlfriend (who could eventually become a wife) -- but they should not be the starting point!  As it says in Proverbs 31:30, "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."  If this wisdom from the Bible is true (which I believe it is), then it means that our standard cultural cues for choosing a mate are completely off -- based on nothing more than smoke and mirrors and sleight of hand.  It makes complete sense that marriages today have such a dismal rate of success; after all, if those relationships are established on deception and transitory characteristics, then of course you'll become disenchanted when the person's true character comes out.  BUT -- if you can start with the person's true character and build from there (even if the classic hallmarks of "your type" might be totally absent), then you're building on much firmer foundations with a significantly greater chance for long-term success.  A woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.  I really encourage you to adjust your thinking about "your type" to mean a woman who follows God whole-heartedly.  Furthermore, I encourage you to look at the size of her heart -- not just the chest which covers the heart. :-)  Examine her commitment to truth and justice and generosity more than her hobbies or sense of style.  Find yourself a woman who loves God more than she could ever love you -- and celebrate that (because let's face it, pal:  you're a great guy, but notn such a great object of worship).  And if you can find this, then you will find a special person, a praiseworthy wife, a ruby-woman.

I worry about you, of course -- because I'm your friend.  I apologize if this letter has been too blunt or insensitive to your situation.  But I hope you know that I'm pulling for you.  Yes, you've got some obstacles to overcome, if you're ever going to find a life partner... But if God is for us, who can be against us... I wish you much love and success, in Jesus' name...