Stop listening to instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge (Proverbs 19:27).

We're hunched over steaming cups of coffee.  Our brows our furrowed.  We're talking in hushed tones, careful with our words almost as if they're tiny glass sculptures of long-feathered birds-of-paradise.  We're cautious in the way that we're saying things, but we're remarkably vulnerable in what we're talking about.  Our emotions are exposed.  Our throats and our eyes feel raw and ready to cry at any moment.  We're navigating sensitive territory; walking on holy ground.  It's hard to see a friend experiencing such angst.

"How could a 'good God' allow my father to die like that?..."

"My girlfriend broke up with me, and my heart is broken..."

"How could anyone really believe those crazy stories from the Bible?..."

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my homosexual feelings..."

"I'm starting to realize more and more of the abuse that I suffered as a kid..."

"I'm tired of having no money..."

"I'm ready to give up on God..."

Naturally, each situation is unique.  Each individual heart bears its own burdens in a way that cannot be fully grasped by another.  But there are similarities.  Doubt and discouragement are simply a part of the life of faith, and we've all gone through it to some extent.  Heartache is universal.  So in these situations -- where someone is pouring out their heart to me over a cup of coffee -- I recognize the challenges, and I empathize with the person's difficulties.  But at some point or another, I usually get around to asking a couple of simple diagnostic questions.  The questions are kind of old-school and not always kindly received.  Yet the individual's answers to these diagnostic questions almost always provide a window to the ultimate outcome of their current crisis of faith.

"How is your relationship with God doing through all of this?"

"How much are you reading the Bible these days?"

"What do you experience when you try to pray (or think about trying to pray)?"

If the person responds by saying that they're experiencing a lot of pain when they try to connect with God, that they find themselves camped out in the Psalms of lament, or that they spend a lot of time crying when they seek the LORD in prayer... then I know that they're going to make it through the crisis all right, eventually.  If the person responds by saying that they're trying to connect with God but not feeling very successful at it, that they know it would be good for them to read the Bible but they just can't seem to break through the emotional barrier at the moment, or that God feels distant in prayer -- even as they're earnestly trying to seek Him -- then I feel hope and faith for them, and I try to spend some time encouraging them and interceding to God on their behalf.  But if the person responds to my diagnostic questions by saying that they've decided to give up on God, that the Bible is a worthless book of fables that only makes them feel worse about themselves, or that they stopped praying two years ago... then I realize that the situation is very serious, indeed.  Maybe three-quarters of the time, someone in such a situation is never going to come back to faith.  You never really know, of course -- so it's always good to try and stimulate someone to seek God, even in the face of doubt and discouragement.  But I've been in enough of these conversations through the years that I've definitely been able to see some patterns.

When there is a drop in signal coverage -- that is, no meaningful attempt to seek God, listen for His voice, and learn whatever He might be trying to teach us in a particular situation -- then we tend to hit some kind of downward spiral that makes it more and more difficult to connect with God.  Although it may seem self-evident, there really is some profound wisdom in Proverbs 19:27, where it says, "Stop listening to instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge."  If we stop trying to listen for God, we're going to stop hearing from God.  And without hearing from God, our faith dies.

This is why I believe prayer and Bible study are so important.  If we stop listening to instruction, we will stray from the words of knowledge.  And if we stray away from the words of knowledge, we will stray away from God Himself.