Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife (Proverbs 21:19).

Just about everyone could agree that marital strife is bad.  It's not productive, and it's not fun.  It can be a kind of living hell, in fact, so it makes sense that the Proverbs say it's better to live in a desert -- even with all of its scorching heat, poisonous snakes and scorpions, prickly vegetation, and little in the way of real respite or relief -- than it is to live with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered spouse.  But what are we really supposed to do in these situations which are, unfortunately, practically inevitable over the course of a marriage built to last for decades?  Are we supposed to take such Proverbs (i.e. Proverbs 21:9 and Proverbs 21:19) as some kind of case for separation (as an alternative for divorce)?  Perhaps... Still I cannot help but wonder how much Proverbs 21 can help to point us to root causes, underlying issues, and a radical reordering of priorities that allows us to minimize occurrences of marital strife and relational rifts.

To put it another way, when I find that my wife is starting to show indications of quarrelsome and ill-tempered behavior (as rare as that might be) -- do I write her off as some maniacal curse in my life and an external source of difficulty, something from which I need to distance myself as soon as possible?  Or do I look good and hard at the sin in my own life, viewing the uncomfortable interactions as a potential indicator of internal issues that need to be addressed in my own handling of our relationship?  Every situation is unique, of course, and it's generally an issue of two broken people encountering friction because of the grating of one's jaggedy edges against the other's... But there's actually something very empowering about the realization that I'm a part of the problem most times, and that I get the opportunity for repentence which can initiate the process of relational healing -- taking us out of the desert and back into the green places of life and love.

A couple of verses after Proverbs 21:19, it says, "He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity, and honor."  We have to pursue it; passivity just won't work.  But isn't it great to think that doing the right thing (even when we don't feel like it) and acting out of love (even when we don't feel like it) will eventually lead to life, prosperity, and honor.  Isn't this what we all want for our marriages?  It sure as heck beats living in the desert.