Do not envy wicked men, do not desire their company; for their hearts plot violence, and their lips talk about making trouble (Proverbs 24:1-2).

I like to be liked.  The disappointment and disdain of others pain me like dozens of small throwing darts plunked into my flesh from ten feet away -- so, as much as I hate to admit it, I often find myself doing a lot of dancing and ducking to avoid these negative impulses as much as possible.  Even when it comes to my own convictions about right or wrong, I'll find myself surprisingly, embarrassingly, foolishly ready to use my own values and convictions as bargaining chips.  Essentially, I'm motivated by the thought that "If I do such-and-such (even if it might be the right thing to do), then other people won't like me or respect me or let me be their friend.  Classic peer pressure, really -- and I've been known to have a weak spot for it.

This is one of the things that I regularly wish I could change about myself.  I wish I could be tough.  I wish I could wear that devil-may-care attitude like a leather biker's jacket that fits tight to my body and blocks out all traces of wind.  I wish I could intimidate others by staring them down and asserting my will whenever, wherever, and with whomever I want.  But my personality -- and my misconceptions about faith often work to keep this in check.  I feel the anger and pride rising in me to meet the challenge, to be the strong, self-determined type that isn't swayed by something so petty as peer pressure.  But then my knees buckle under the load of needing to be liked.  I think about Jesus as a meek and mild little lamb taking the sins of the world on the chin (forgetting, of course, that he is also a strong and mighty warrior who never swerved from his mission for a moment, even as he was widely hated throughout his ministry and eventually brought to death by a mob of people screaming for his crucifixion).  So ultimately, I concede.  I coalesce, trying to blend my decisions and actions on what I perceive others want or need.  I become weak and essentially envious of others.

As I consider these tendencies, it seems to me that this is basically what it looks like for me to "envy wicked men" and "desire their company."  It doesn't actually  matter what the motives of the others might be -- whether their own personal intentions are good and righteous, or whether they're plotting violence and making trouble.  When I base my behavior on others' way of thinking, acting out of envy and insecurity, then I automatically end up lumping myself into the company of the wicked.

Fortunately, the Proverbs offer not just the diagnosis for this problem, but also the cure.  Proverbs 24:1-2 strongly echoes Proverbs 23:17-18, where it says, "Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD.  There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off."  If we can redirect that envious energy and transform it into zeal for God, then we have much reason for hope.  When I'm confident in my identity as a child of God, then I can free myself from the tyranny of others' opinions.  God's opinion of me is the one that matters most.  And He tells me that there is surely a future hope for me, which will not be cut off -- not by the disapproval of others, not by the constant second-guessing of my own decisions, but by nothing but the grace of God.