Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it (Proverbs 22:6).

This is a verse that I've been avoiding for 12 months.  Every time I read through the 22nd chapter of the Proverbs, I'm struck by verse 6 -- but I honestly don't know what exactly I'm supposed to do with it.  "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."  As a parent, I find myself scared by these words... But I'm not sure if I'm scared more because I believe it's true or because I doubt it's truth.

Parenting is one of the most significant things I've ever done in my life, but it's also one of the most unsettling things I've ever done in my life.  There's this terrific knowledge that these children are my wards, my responsibility, my legacy.  Of all the other things that I do with my life, these three individuals are likely to be the most lasting.  I take my role as a father very seriously, and I try not to shirk any of my responsibilities to train my children in the way they should go.  Whether it's teaching them super-basic stuff like using the toilet and feeding themselves... or things like cleaning up after themselves and being polite to others... or instructing them in the ways to play certain sports or share toys... or if it's training my children to be respectful towards others, to be wise in the ways they develop their sexuality, to be mindful of their Heavenly Father... You start thinking about all the implications of your parenting responsibilities, and it can become genuinely overwhelming.  I really do want my children to know the way they should go -- even if it might be a painful process to develop such awareness -- and I want them to make good choices in the future.  I want to know that when they are older, they will not turn from goodness and wisdom and God.

But the thing that worries me is the fact that I'm raising children -- autonomous individuals who become increasingly responsible for their own life choices -- not robots who can be programmed to the point where you can be reasonably confident of how things will go, as long as all the programming bugs get worked out.  On paper, I love the idea of Proverbs 22:6; but in practice, I have my doubts.  I know a lot of very good parents who have raised some pretty rotten kids.  The children seemed to get very adequate instruction and training as they were growing up -- being given every opportunity to know the way they should go -- but then, for whatever reason, they turned from the good path when they were older.  So what does that mean?!?  Does it mean that the parents did something wrong?  Does it mean that old King Solomon was full of crap, writing stuff like Proverbs 22:6?  I don't like either of those implications, but it's hard to see it any other way when I read that I, as a parent, am supposed to "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."  I agree with the Proverb's most basic principle -- that it's very important to train one's children well and give parenting the priority it deserves.  But I also feel that the realities of parenting and child development are complex.

So I guess what I'm saying is that we need some perspective.  We need some way to see the situation in a way that's not pure black-and-white, cause-and-effect absolutism.  We need a way to apply faith and act confidently in the roles God has given us to play, while still not leading ourselves to the false assumption that we can control everything.  We need some grace! That's where I come to really appreciate the fact that so much of the Proverbs point to our need for Jesus.  In this particular case (the cause-and-effect implications of parenting), I think John 9:1-7 is especially instructive.  It says, point-blank, that when something goes wrong in the life of a child, it's not necessarily an indication of sin.  "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."  Ultimately, all of the world's brokenness points us to God and His redeeming work through Jesus.  It's not just about parenting.  It's not just about obedience.  Jesus said, "Night is coming, when no one can work.  While I am in the world, I am the light of the world."  Jesus is the light of the world, and he is the ultimate expression of "the way we should go."  Until our children have a direct encounter with Jesus, their (and our) brokenness will always foul things up.  Without God, we find ways to flounder and muddy things up -- even with the best parental instruction the world has to offer.  But with God, we can be pronounced innocent, washed clean, and sent home seeing.

So ultimately, I wonder if Proverbs 22:6 is telling us, as parents, that we need to not just provide discipline and instruction, but also point our children to Jesus -- trusting that if they can learn to walk with him on his good paths, they will never be lost again.